Written by SugarDaddy
Maybe I should drop the boxing metaphors right there, and get on with the business in hand. My tip for the top, as good as threw in the towel, by allowing others to dictate the game this week. Despite knowing that he was going to be project leader in the great sandwich-making task, and that statistically he had a 1 in 6 chance of being fired, I don’t think anyone saw this coming. And of course, my pick for this week’s P45 was Noorul, who managed to evade any real scrutiny; aside from Nick’s gimp-eye that is (“I make it my business to watch you”). There seems to be a consensus that Nooral should have been sacrificed, but SirAlun can’t sack who he can’t see, and Rocky chose unwisely, when selecting his co-accused this week. In hindsight, having predicted a loss for the boys, I should have blamed the professional sandwich maker in this instance.
The Task: Make food, sell food, make profit. Bish bash bosh! The teams, Ignite and Empire, had to make a 1 day business of selling lunchtime food to city offices, and the following day, cater for an after work reception for well heeled Canary Wharf types (not bankers, I hope). I thought the girls looked quite scared, when assigned their mission, but it was actually a steely determination to avoid a repeat of last week’s debacle. This theme would repeat itself through their task, as they sought to spend almost nothing on ingredients. First things first, who will take the poisoned chalice? The boys elect self-styled Sandwich-King, Rocky, and the girls accede to award-winning restaurateur Yasmina, after Debra checked her bona-fides. Majid suggests an Olympic theme, which is quickly, if not enthusiastically agreed. Theming sandwiches is clearly important here. Yasmina takes charge, and immediately dictates the cheapest option of a Mediterranean theme, and spells out just how cheap it will be. So whilst the boys blew 180 on props and togas, the girls simply chose which food to serve.
Cut to the standard Apprentice device, of talking out loud into an upside down mobile, whilst on speakerphone “Worrabout the can’o'peas?”, and Ignite are off to pitch for the lunchtime account and evening event. Heather, sorry Kate begins confidently, and then founders after intense questioning “bruschetas are always a favourite” she declares. Rolling your eyes, and mugging to the camera in the room is usually enough to lose a deal in my book. Whilst the boys quoted a ridiculously hard price, I feel their client gave them a tougher time, for what Empire should have known was a done deal (as the production team had led them to this client in the first place). They did miserably in securing presales for the sandwiches too, which also meant they lost against the girls. Frankly Phillip was ill prepared for this negotiation, and found himself being beaten down unnecessarily. On delivery, Empire looked stupid in irrelevant costumes, which added nothing to the bottom line, and wasted time and money on dressing the room for the reception. All the while, we see cutaway shots of Phillip stating that their effort was a travesty, of a sham, of two mockeries, of a farce; Or words to that effect. Kate got her excuse in early by moaning about their food being cheap crap. Always a good tactic, that one. Yasmina did one better, by getting her team to shout “Yes Chef!” in her speech to the troops.
I shan’t dwell on the food but – cheese on a stick? Come on guys!
The Boardroom: First the numbers – Ignite oversold and under spent Empire by the order of £811! That’s a heck of a margin, and well deserved, as the boys actually lost money. And we know what SirAlun thinks about that, don’t we? The girls trot off to play with some ponies, and the boys get the third degree. This is the point where Rocky Andrews sealed his fate. Phillip got his dig in, Howard was blamed for costing errors, and Noorul and Majid kept schtum, with a capital SCHT! So who does Rocky bring back? James who weirdly fought his corner, and Howard, who kept his own counsel. It was unfortunate, so early in the game, but SAS had no real choice. “Rocky, you’re fired!”
SAS quote of the week – in response to James feeling hurt, like his cat had died, SirAlun said he was “someone who can bunny off of scratch”. Having thoroughly researched this phrase, it appears that SAS is the only one who has ever said it, meaning, and I quote “you can talk a good game, smile when it’s time to smile, look tearful in times of sorrow”.
This result has thrown my predictions out of the window. However, if Noorul continues to wander around like a fart in a trance, I still expect him to be next.
As they work up a sweat, can the teams make enough produce to sell or will they be stuck with too much stock? As ever, Nick and Margaret are there to keep a watchful eye on proceedings, and in the boardroom things quickly turn into a soap opera as Sir Alan sniffs out the mistakes to reveal which team smells like success and which has the whiff of defeat.
They have to pitch for lunchtime business in top City firms, and create appetizing new menus for a prestigious canapé reception which must be executed to perfection. As well as sourcing the ingredients, the teams must make, deliver and serve all the food themselves. But with hungry mouths to feed and picky clients in tow, it is not long before things go wrong in the kitchen and in the boardroom.
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