Archive for the ‘Series 5’ Category

The Apprentice Final – The Only Way is Up!

Monday, June 8th, 2009

Sorry, but it’s the only other Yazz I have ever heard of (ask your mum). Tonight, as with all good things, The Apprentice 2009 came to an end. And The Apprentice this year was, I believe the best by far. Not in the extravagance of the tasks, but in the number of actual business-minded professionals, who could seriously contend for the winner’s spot. We may well look back fondly to previous seasons, and point to the characters and dramatic events. But for all those who have gone on to do well (yes even the TV slebs), each of the previous years had a greater number of lightweights and slackers than 2009 has. From this year’s bunch, I’d say a good 50% were capable, intelligent, ambitious professionals, who would succeed in most business environments. I know I personally would hire a few of them. No there wasn’t a Badger, but how often do Badgers appear anyway.

The Task: This week’s task for the Final, between Yasmina Warrior Queen and the ever fragrant Kate, was to devise a brand new concept for a box of chocolates, from the chocolate, to the packaging, to the marketing, pricing and advertising. No sales were required, just a unique concept that would impress a panel of chocolate industry experts (I’d love to be at their Christmas parties), and of course Sir Alan Sugar – the employer to be. Firstly, they were to choose team members from some of their previous competitors. Notably absent were Noorul, Anita, and Majid. In selecting their teams like kids playing football in the playing ground, Kate pointedly avoided choosing her paramour Philip, for fear of his presence diverting her attention in the task. This tack certainly seemed to work well, when Kate’s team started off on all the right tracks. They produced a quality concept, beautiful chocolates with an edgy TV advert, but fell down on their cost for the target market, at £13. Why they didn’t fib and say it was do-able for £8.99 I don’t know. Yasmina’s team, conversely, set off on a course that they had to correct quickly, when a focus group said clearly that guys simply won’t buy chocolates for themselves, nor do they want them as gifts. I’m sure there is a study somewhere, which says chocolate only goes particularly well with oestrogen.

The Boardroom: I don’t quite know how much they had to drink, but it was remarkable just how collective smoke was being blown up the backsides of the Finalists by their respective teams. I did a double take myself, when Debra was most effusive in her compliments for Kate. In his summary, Sir Alan was impressed with both, but characterised his decision as follows. Kate who won one task as a PM, but has failed to show a drive and enthusiasm that would mark her out as exceptional. Yasmina, who had won 3 tasks as PM, but has already seen the other side of the curtain, which separates employers and employees, and isn’t entirely convincing SAS in her desire to work for him. Ultimately, I think that Sir Alan’s vanity had a little to do with his decision. He concluded that Yasmina was the more talented of the two, and that she was so besotted with him that she would sacrifice her own entrepreneurial career to work alongside him. That sacrifice, and by extension the flattery of it, is what I believe made the difference. He is also on record, from several weeks ago, as wanting someone who was a bit of a maverick to win this year, as those are the people he believes can collectively revitalise business and commerce in the UK, at its time of greatest need. That was the difference that separated Kate and Yasmina, and ultimately led to the phrase – Yasmina, You’re Hired!

Bookmark and Share

Sell Me This Pencil

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

Let me start by stating that I absolutely love interviewing candidates. Having been on the other side of the desk from thousands of candidates, I firmly believe that it’s a real privilege, and a unique experience. Most job seekers would perform far better in interviews if they had just a little insight into the mind of the interviewer. There are many interview techniques, employed for all sorts of situations, ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous, and these methods can come and go at the whim of the country’s HR Managers. This week, the final five candidates were subjected to the “Combative Interview”, where they were essentially challenged for having the temerity to even apply for this job. This wouldn’t suit for most interview situations, but is certainly the most televisual, and probably reflects the manner of Sir Alan himself. No-one was asked the classic “sell me this pencil” question, but they were bullied, belittled and ridiculed, in a way that would have had HR professionals aghast and agog.

One by one, they trooped into the offices within the Viglen building, to be met by Sir Alan’s trusted advisors, initially bursting with confidence, but gradually deflating as they progressed through the day. James (the big lummox) made the schoolboy error of sabotaging his own CV, by filling it with jargon. I’ve lost count of the number of CV’s I read, which tell me in great detail what their daily tasks are, without once stating what their actual job is, or what their company does. You must never assume that the interviewer will automatically know these things. Lorraine made the mistake of admitting to her competitors that her CV was chock full of skeletons. By the end, James and Lorraine resembled a burst settee, Yasmina was horrified her business accounts had been pulled, and Debra was blithely unaware of the situation. Only the ever fragrant Kate remained intact, as the most they could pin on her was that she was flawless, in a feeble attempt at finding a fault of any kind.

If the order of their firing is important, I would have dismissed Lorraine first, as the most unlikely fit for the job. Next would have had to be James, although I really like him, because the last three girls are certainly the best of the bunch this year. Kate has been earmarked for the final from week three, and has barely put a foot wrong since. So the final decision was between Debra and Yasmina. I always treat the argument that someone is already self-employed, as specious, because this is such an unusual opportunity for someone to really propel themselves on the business stage. A £100k job with Sir Alan Sugar, and the kudos that goes with winning, are more than enough incentive for even the most entrepreneurial of young business people. Yasmina’s restaurant certainly won’t close as a result of her winning. The only reason for an employer to be scared of this fact, is the fear that this person may leave soon after accepting the job, and the boss won’t have the expected upper hand in the relationship. This is idiotic and insecure thinking, as the employer with such fears, is admitting they may not be able to keep the interest of the candidate. SAS has previously been embarrassed by other women leaving his employ, and must believe the rejection reflects badly on him. Despite there being no such risk with Debra, her abrasiveness clearly concerned him even more. This made Debra the last exit of the night, and Kate and Yasmina to battle it out in Sunday’s final. Roll on Sunday I say.

I’ll leave you with some crazy, but genuine interview questions.

  • If Hollywood made a movie about your life, whom would you like to see play the lead role as you?
  • If you could be a super hero, what would you want your superpowers to be?
  • If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be?
  • If you had only six months left to live, what would you do with the time?
  • If you could compare yourself with any animal, which would it be and why?
  • If you were a type of food, what type of food would you be?
  • If you won $20 million in the lottery, what would you do with the money?
  • If you were a salad, what kind of dressing would you be?
  • How do I rate as an interviewer?
  • If you were a car, what type would you be?
  • In the news story of your life, what would the headline say?
Bookmark and Share

The Apprentice Episode 11 – Preview

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

It is the penultimate week and the five remaining candidates must face their biggest verbal challenge yet, as they stand alone and face a gruelling interview process.

There is no hiding place as each of them is grilled by four of Sir Alan’s trusted business colleagues. It is a test of character as every aspect of their personal and professional lives is put under the microscope.

Sir Alan’s four advisors will report their findings to him in the boardroom, where the candidates will then fight for a place in the final as they meet the most rigorous interviewer of all: Sir Alan Sugar.

Watch a preview of James being told his CV is exceptional, exceptionally bad that is! Episode 11 Preview Clip

Howard was shown the door last week, which three candidates will go tonight?
You can have your say in our live forum chat tonight throughout the program and follow all the latest news for The Apprentice across:
Twitter | Blog | Forum.

Bookmark and Share

Cassetteboy vs The Apprentice

Friday, May 29th, 2009

It’s Friday Afternoon. With an hour left and the weekend fast approaching, it’s time for a bit of light relief don’t you think…

Cue veteran YouTuber Cassetteboy as he casts his unique editor’s view over highlights of the past five series of The Apprentice, picking clips from 43 episodes! It really is a first class piece of editing.

Without further ado Ladies and Gentleman, Cassetteboy vs The Apprentice.

Feel free to leave your comments below, or head over to The Apprentice Forum.

Bookmark and Share

Stop Spying, and Start Buying

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

James really is good value isn’t he? Interesting fact – James is the only one to remain in the same team, Empire, from the beginning. Episode 10 out of twelve – 9 apprentices gone, 6 remaining. This year’s last proper task was to be a return to a classic, and coincidentally a perfect introduction for the candidates to their next career following the show.

The (Classic) Task: It’s the QVC task (or Ideal Home actually, who are the 2nd largest home shopping channel). Here, as ever, the teams must select several items from the Ideal Home inventory, and sell them live on air, over a 30 minute slot each. To kick off, and it nearly did kick off, Debra and Yasmina had a tug of war over the PM role, while James gallantly held their coats. Yasmina won, but Debra ain’t bovvered. At ignite, Lorraine and Kate quickly, and suspiciously allowed Howard to take the helm. At this stage in the game, tactics are vital, and frankly being the PM gives you the chance to shine, and sideline others.

Let’s not get into the products, as it was the usual “load of old toot”, and actually didn’t rival the depths plumbed on previous outings with the wolf jackets and mini trampolines. Essentially Howard went for the more expensive and difficult to shift items, and Yasmina selected cheaper (yes cheap) products. Whilst Howard wasn’t as terrible as the others, Debra was a revelation, which of course translated to sales. The key here, was that she persuasively sold items, which accurately targeted the customer base, and gave them the perfect encouragement to make a purchase. The live sales stats with these shopping channels are brilliant, and can be fed in realtime to presenters, whilst on air. All this makes presenting on a shopping channel a little like trying to play drums, whilst commentating on the European Cup game, and doing your maths homework.

Results: Empire sold £1,541, and Ignite sold £1,376. The reward for the winning team of James Debra and Yasmina was a day spent onboard with an aerial acrobatics flight team. Perhaps that made up for James’ missing the race car reward previously.

The Boardroom: No need to choose who to bring back; Howard, Lorraine and Kate were all given a grilling, and asked to justify their place in the next round. At this point, Kate seemed safe, so it would fall to the other two. Personally, I thought that Howard gave a good account, and that Lorraine had been riding her luck for a while now. However, her luck held, and Howard was counted out in the tenth round. Howard, you’re fired!

Bookmark and Share

The Apprentice Episode 10 – Preview

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

Episode 10, and we’re down to six candidates. With the pressure on this week to win and make it through to the penultimate task, Sir Alan returns to an old favourite as he sets the teams the task of selling live on TV. The teams must select, from thousands of products, the ones they think they can sell best during just one hour of live television.

The candidates all set out to prove what they are made of, but Sir Alan is not in the market for a TV presenter. He wants someone with real business flair, and the task is designed to see who can identify the right products for the right market and sell the most.

On air, even the more experienced sales people discover that being natural does not always come naturally. Of course, one of the remaining candidates will be fired.

Watch tonight’s preview clip showing the candidates getting to grips with the products and the cameras.

Ben “I’ll bite their teeth out” Clarke was kicked out last week, who will it be next?
You can have your say in our live forum chat tonight throughout the program and follow all the latest news for The Apprentice across:
Twitter | Blog | Forum.

Bookmark and Share

As Rare as Rocking Horse Poo!

Thursday, May 21st, 2009

I said it – albeit a little censored. This is a polite blog, you know. True talent does seem to be pretty scarce at Apprentice Towers, and common sense seems to be in short supply too. I promised someone I’d be briefer in my report this week, so here goes.

The Teams: Empire – James PM, Ben, Debra, Yasmina. Ignite – Lorraine PM, Howard, Kate. Four versus three, how could Empire lose?

The Task: To choose 2 preferred items from a pre-selected list, and sell them on a demonstration stand at a baby and maternity fair at Earl’s Court. How hard could it be? The stand is booked, thousands of customers are coming. All you need to do, in this instance, is sell more than your competitors. In my experience, and in order to make it worthwhile, given the cost of setting up these fairs, getting a stand, and staff costs, you really need to sell at least £3,000 of goods, to generate even a minimal profit. Based on that, and the expected potential customers, they needed to select products accordingly. I didn’t see anyone discussing who the customers might be, and how to structure their day. On the strong recommendation of Debra, James went for the £1,700 rocking horse, and the £70 inflatable birthing pool. This was despite knowing that only 2% of women go for home births, and even then not always in a paddling pool. I suspect Debra saw something of a family resemblance in that horse. Lorraine (mother of two) decided to plump for the most complicated pushchair, (£135) and the Thud Caps (£15). Oddly, the pram sold well, despite being severely undercut by another retailer. They did need a man though, to demonstrate to Lorraine how it worked. I’ve certainly had to do just this, for her indoors, for each of three children. Whilst they may have struck lucky, it was a very long shot that the rocking horses were going to sell on the day, at those extortionate prices. Father of one, James, really got into his stride selling the birthing pool, and demonstrated a startling gynaecological knowledge of the process. The pools sold well, but the horses were a distraction on the stand. Equally, Lorraine’s tam mainly sold the buggies in good numbers, and at good enough price point to rack up the revenues. Frankly, the teams chose poorly, and did not go beyond their respective stands to really generate interest. Why wasn’t anyone going beyond the confines of their stand, to bring in more active customers? Why didn’t they negotiate better prices from suppliers? And why did they waste their time on horses and baby helmets?

The Boardroom: As James pointed out, his backside was making buttons over this. And rightly so, as His team sold only £722, against £1,665 in sales by Lorraine’s team. Ignite had one less Apprentice, but sold more than twice as much. Lorraine’s form is looking very good here, as is Kate’s. For Empire, James gave Yasmina a deserved pass, and brought the remaining two back for the hairdryer treatment. When asked to defend himself, Ben instantly plays the Sandhurst card, but is cut short by Sir Alan “I was in the Jewish Lads Brigade, Stanford Hill Division, Trainee Bugler!” In my book, James is a star, Debra is an irritating asset, and Sir Alan was absolutely correct in telling Ben “You’re Fired!”

Stay tuned here, where later in the week, I shall review the relative merits of the remaining candidates.

Bookmark and Share

The Apprentice Episode 9 – Preview

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

Nine weeks into The Apprentice, or shall I say nine months as Sir Alan sends the teams to London’s Olympia, with the task of selling baby products at the country’s biggest baby show.

Success depends on choosing the right products, and the candidates have one day to check out a range of innovative new baby products. If they get this wrong, it could cost them the task.

With hundreds of other exhibitors at the show, competition is fierce. So can the candidates adapt their usual hard-sell techniques? And will the mums and dads prove better at selling than those without children?

Watch the very disturbing preview clip of James “giving birth” in tonight’s task from our TV Highlights section.

Mona moseyed on home last week, who will it be next?
You can have your say in our live forum chat tonight throughout the program and follow all the latest news for The Apprentice across:
Twitter | Blog | Forum.

Bookmark and Share

End of the Pier Attraction?

Thursday, May 14th, 2009

Is it just me? Am I alone in feeling some sort of mid-season Apprentice malaise? I’m not sure I care as much as I did, and tonight’s show did seem a trifle dull. Maybe I’m doing a disservice to Margate, but a jaunt to somewhere sunny, like Morocco, would have cheered me up, and lifted the spirits of the contestants too. Until now, all I knew of Margate, came from tales of Londoners and skinheads going off for a day out. Notably, the lyrics to Chas’n'Dave’s song for the seaside resort are very appropriate.

#Well I’ve been working hard to reach me target

To earn a few bob for a day trip down to Margate

I’m gonna blow the lot tomorrow on all me family

We catch the coach at eight, so don’t be late, were off to see the sea#

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGa7f6n3aqk

As for the task, I don’t think anyone could put it more succinctly than this perfect piece of prose.

#You can keep the Costa Brava, and all that palava, I’m telling you mate I’d rather have a day down Margate with all me family#

This will go down as the week when that last of the non-runners was finally jettisoned, albeit several weeks later than expected. Sir Alan took the opportunity, as soon as it was presented to him, despite there being several pitiful performances on the losing team.

The Task: To rebrand the seaside town of Margate, in a bid to return the resort to some semblance of its former glory. This week’s teams were; Ignite – Yasmina (PM), Ben, Kate, Lorraine and for Empire – Debra (PM), Mona, Howard and James. I’m not sure of the stats, but I am positive the Ignite members have been considerable more successful so far. True to form, Ignite decided upon a relatively safe, predictable, but proficient approach to marketing Margate. Their plans were low on inspiration, but they set about it very professionally. At Empire, Debra’s leadership was brokered with Howard, on the basis that he had artistic direction over the project. James suggested the re-invention of Margate as a gay resort, to rival the likes of Brighton, and Howard was more than keen to pursue it. The flies in the ointment, however, were that Mona seemed incapable of relating to the theme, and Debra had responsibility for the design, text and layout of the promotional material. As Mona later admitted on “You’re Fired” neither has a creative bone in their bodies. Despite this, both presentations to marketing experts, and then to local residents and dignitaries, went very smoothly. Kate for Ignite and Howard for Empire both performed well. However, Debra was caught in a lie, when asked why their leaflet was unfinished.

The Boardroom: The results were given quickly – 7/10 for Ignite, for an uninspired but slick marketing plan, and 4/10 for Empire’s woeful efforts, based largely on the amateur production of promotional material, and a gay rebranding that lacked conviction. James looked as crestfallen as it’s possible for a grown man to be, when heard that the winners would be rewarded with a day racing Lotus sports cars on the track. Wisely, Debra gave Howard, a pass, and decided to bring back James and Mona for the ritual grilling at the big table. Despite Debra getting lippy with Sir Alan, and James being described as “some knucklehead”, the music was cued, the big man mustered a forgettable bon mot, and uttered the inevitable “Mona, you’re fired”

What did you learn Dorothy? (quoting The Wizard of Oz is very gay): If viewers are flagging a little, think of the contestants. It’s vital to maintain your energy levels, and continually maintain your motivation. At this stage, no-one can hide. Always ensure you’ve done enough to keep your spot, even in a losing team. Lastly, professional and safe is almost always better than amateur and inspired. Skilled execution of a plan is paramount.

Bookmark and Share

The Apprentice Episode 8 – Preview

Wednesday, May 13th, 2009

Week eight, and Sir Alan sets the eight remaining candidates their most challenging task yet. They must use all of their creative and marketing skills to rebrand one of Britain’s most enduring tourist attractions – the seaside resort of Margate. Once a jewel of the Kent coast, Margate still has a faded grandeur, but it is up to the teams to bring a much-needed sparkle for the 21st century.

The teams have just two days to produce an eye-catching series of posters and an information-packed leaflet that will attract new tourists to the town. They must then pitch their campaigns to tourism industry experts and to the residents and dignitaries of Margate.

Not doubt some candidates will not only be burnt by the Margate sun, but by Sir Alan and his lovely boardroom!

Get a sneak peek at this weeks task in our TV Highlights section.

Outspoken Geordie Philip was given the boot last week, who will it be next?
You can have your say in our live forum chat tonight throughout the program and follow all the latest news for The Apprentice across:
Twitter | Blog | Forum.

Bookmark and Share